This sentence usually made during polite chit chat at friends children’s birthdays or in the school yard normally fills me with dread. It always starts innocent between the mrs and new social acquaintance. “So your partners a chef, that must be so amazing, having him cook you so much tasty food.” At this point I’ll start edging back, trying to get as far away from this as possible. I’ve seen the reality, I know the truth and it’s not the bubblegum fairytale people perceive.
It was about 12 years ago at the pizza place we first met. I was a cocky pizza head chef who thought that shouting and slamming was part of the gig. Well once you read kitchen confidential and Marco Pierre White books it becomes wrongly perceived this is what chefs do. She had been given the job because her sister worked there and it’s great to have lots of zero hour contracts. My first words to her where crass and 12 years later I still cringe I said them. “Wow your tits are even bigger than your sisters” or something to that degree. Young and dumb and probably just trying to impress the other chefs…. I was an idiot.
Over the next year or so we got on great. Both in relationships with other people, then they went sour. Then one night she took me out on the pull because she is that freaking cool and I ended up kissing her. I was drunk, I was punching out my league and I got lucky. 12 years later we have two beautiful boys, who she is an amazing mum to, a lovely house that she made a home and we are getting married this summer. So when I say I got lucky, I have got it all in life and am grateful everyday of how good I have it and a massive part of that is down to her.
Now enough of that soppy shit, I would like to say cheffing is a lovely job for people in relationships but I’d be lying more ludicrously than Trump. It is fortunate that I was a chef in her eyes when we met, I used to do ridiculous amounts of hours and was always career minded and driven. She has never known different from me so I guess I’ve had some leeway. I still do big hours compared to most of society 50-60 a week so she sees me less than if I was a 5 day 9-5er. I work long shifts so I my be gone when she wakes up or crawling into bed late with her fast asleep. She plans most of her week around what I work, what meals to cook, childcare needed, things we can do on days off, if she can pick up a shift in work. Then I’ll go and fuck it up by swapping a shift to help someone or worse someone will have forgot to book me for work and will play on my weak nature for helping chefs out of the shit. Rightly so this fucks her off and by trying to do a good thing for someone I’ll annoy the people I really care about. With most chefs being less than organised in life this happens far too often. Or I’ll say I’ll be home at a certain time usually to pick up boys, do bedtime routine or get home so she can get her bus to work and due to other people normally, things run late which means my shit affects her routine. Whether it’s her letting her work know she will be late or telling the boys daddy won’t be home for them it’s always been unfair and a twist on my heart. On these days the job I adore is hurting the people I love, that tears me up inside.
So back to the school yard and the reality of “having him cook you amazing food” . The mrs does 90% of the cooking in the house, due to shifts or days working, she will cook for herself and the boys. She works part time so can get it on before going to do the school run, that way the boys are lucky enough to get home cooked food every night. She is a bloody good cook to, she may ask the odd question the morning of or night before but she can cook beautiful fresh food. Her lasagna is the dogs bollocks and my boys personal favourite. In the house if I have a few 12- finish shifts I’ll sort breakfast for the boys, normally poached eggs and the odd night I’m off I will happily cook for her but the lion share is done by the mrs. It’s unfair to her for it to be dismissed by assumption.
Not many chefs fancy cooking when they get home, especially not the food they cook all day long. If a chef has anything about them they constantly taste throughout the day so you don’t normally get hungry. I blame a lot of people views on cheffing on Monica from Friends. Most of my generation grew up on that and saw her go on about being a chef but was constantly off, never blew up at someone, didn’t have the lack of social etiquette and never missed any celebration day. My mrs misses out on events due to childcare as I’m at work or she ends up going alone and has everyone asking about me, and that’s unfair to her because of me and profession so fuck you Monica, I’d have sacked you ass for lack of work ethic.
Although chefs can be known for being cunts I do my best to appease her and hold on to some values, trying to keep hold to some of life. I don’t work my boys birthdays, I don’t work the mrs birthday or our anniversary. These are no goes. She puts up with a lot with my profession impacting our lives, let alone her putting up with my personal issues and quirks so that’s the least I can do. Early on I told her if cheffing ever affected our relationship to where it could harm us I would stop. She has never called in on that. She knows it’s who I am and what I do and that if I went and worked in a call centre 9-5 I’d be dying inside day by day. She knows me better than anyone. To find someone that allows you to be you, even if you are a bit of a menace in life is priceless. Except for tidying me up a tiny bit (nicer jeans and shorts for my band tees) she ain’t never tried to change me. I am phenomenally lucky to have her and not just because she does my washing lovely….makes a good sandwich also.
Think carefully before dating chefs boys and girls. We don’t do much cooking.
FOOD ANARCHY 