As the final smoke of the last firework fades peoples minds immediately turn towards the thought of the festive season. The idea of getting in as many mince pies during this short festive window enter the mind. The opening of the low drawer that has been home to the Christmas jumper since Boxing Day, the conversation of is it too early for a Christmas movie. It’s that time of year.
On the food network the Christmas shows start, so we can all plan Christmas dinner like a military operation. Jamie and Nigella get more air time, Rick Stein travels make way for Delia and her perfection and at some point soon we will get the treat that is Fanny Craddock and her attacking a turkey with a pair of secateurs. God I love a bit of Fanny at Christmas.
It’s that time of year the kitchens change, the knowledge that the quiet time is coming to an end is building, Christmas bookings are imminent. As the crescendo of hours and intensity slowly build its worth pointing out it is a magical time. The time of year people stop to see people, a time to think of others, the only time of year that some couples will have a treat and go out for a meal over the whole year. When I was a plate monkey at the pizzeria you would see it, a couple coming in who were uncomfortable to be in unfamiliar surroundings. I loved these couples. Always apologetic about being unsure what to order or how to order. Always honest about not having a clue about wine or rhythm of service. These where the people who’s tip didn’t matter to me, they were the ones it was about something bigger, it was about making it special for them. Growing up we used to go for a family meal once a year at a chain pub but it meant the world to me, so these guys I relate to. These guys got the best I could do. And after thanking me for an amazing night and I cleared their table if the tip tray was empty I never took it personally.
About September time the first rumblings of Christmas menus were mentioned, the usual kind of fare that ends up being a collaboration meant to appease most people. Personally I wouldn’t have turkey on the menu as I don’t feel it’s the best of meats but always makes an appearance with the pigs in blankets, normally the other items reserved for Christmas menus involve chestnuts, smoked salmon, cranberry, pate and red cabbage. Usually when the menu is composed the phrase “ well you’ve got to have a …….. dish” is said far too much.
The owners of whatever the fine establishment normally go out and buy a Christmas album or stream a Christmas playlist. This means the front of house get to listen to the same cd, on repeat, everyday for over a month. All so for the short period of time your in there you get a festive atmosphere. For your pleasure the staff go through a mentally torturous exercise. But the final week before,it is as if though it becomes ingrained. The mood lightens, customers are jollier, the festive buzz kicks in and everyone really cares for each other. Even though the venue has been decorated since late November, now it seem perfect, magical and suitably festive. I think everyone at this point gets that feeling.
Some people are a special breed and get excited and become annoying from November, some before!. The people who play Christmas songs in the first week of November, there is a special place in hell for them. The other side of that coin is the miserable cunt who goes out of their way to bring people down, the Scrooge. I lay some where in between, not too early but when suitable I embrace it all. The Scrooge who just moans can quite frankly have a cup of fuck off.
Now, when it comes to the festive period, enjoy. Embrace it all and when you are out on your Christmas staff parties, pissed in your Christmas jumpers please spare a thought. A thought for the staff who in all likelihood will be having their Christmas do in January. A thought for the staff who have to herd drunk party after drunk party. So here are a couple of things you can do to help.
- pre order, this helps give a smooth service, helps everybody’s timings and makes sure you get what you want without the venue worrying about over ordering.
- Remember your pre order, changing your mind will fuck up your whole tables rhythm.
- Turn up on time, holding food degrades the quality and your table may need to be turned so don’t be selfish and work your window. For that reason
- Ask what time you need to be out, you don’t own the restaurant. Again don’t be selfish, you can move on for a drink, don’t ruin someone’s reservation time. You wouldn’t like it.
- If you are a vegan or have allergies, ring before hand. Don’t wake up and decide to be gluten free, dairy free or vegan and think the venue can just cater to your whim. You give us warning we will work with you, you spring it on us, your a cunt.
By following those rules it will help, of course you’ll get pissed. Just don’t get embarrassing. Remember we don’t finish for two weeks holiday like you and have been busy working extra hours. Some people will work over Christmas and they will be doing their best to be in the festive spirit but they are working! Not relaxing with family, not drinking and eating to excess. These guys and girls are working so you can enjoy yourselves so leave a good tip and be genuine when you say thank you.
I hope you all have a fantastic festive period.
FOOD ANARCHY 