As December passes by in a blur, the hours increase, the workload increases, the panic of front of house having to deal with something slightly new increases and everyone starts planning the meals around Christmas with more tactical awareness than General Patton. The meals of Christmas eve, Christmas dinner, the boxing day curry all planned to a military degree.
As people are discussing what they will be devouring this Festive season, whether its a chicken liver parfait, mums prawn cocktail, toasties the night before, the traditional curry the day after, you start to hear a repetition of phrases that unwittingly show that emotion and memories are so important. “WE ALWAYS HAVE”, these three little words offer a window into how people perceive food at this time of year. The want to go back into a mindset of the most magical time, being a kid. The other conviction spouted that holds little room for discussion being “WELL YOU HAVE TO HAVE”, well no, no you don’t.
Last year I had a debate with a chef about trifle, her mum always makes a “traditional trifle” at Christmas. This traditional trifle has to have blamange in it, and it has to be pink. When I pointed out that this inclusion doesn’t make it traditional, I was given a look of disgust that you’d have thought I’d just slapped her mum in the face with my cock.
You get a similar reaction when I tell people “I could happily give turkey a miss.” They seem quite offended that the sanctity of Christmas dinner could be questioned. Well first of all it use to be a goose so they can all do one, but again its upsetting their traditions that have been installed from childhood. Personally (and its only my opinion) is that turkey comes towards the end of my choice for a roast dinner. Lamb, chicken, beef, pork all come before it in my sunday league of dinners, it would threatening relegation. Most people don’t buy it any other time of the year, and don’t say its for a season as these people still buy imported strawberries and asparagus in winter. Same with sprouts, all those people who buy them just to cook them wrong and have people point out they don’t like them. Admittedly a few people will buy them the whole winter season and good on you as done right they are a beautiful vegetable.
If I have a roast I don’t see why all of these rules exist, maybe im just a cock slapping heathen but why cant you have a Yorkshire pudding with Christmas dinner, or mash potato for that matter. Surely and I’ll get to it more later, on this special day, the most anticipated meal of the year. Why the fuck cant you just have what you want?. Of course you can, your a grown up. But it seems that social pressure, emotional conditioning and wanting to please expectations take us away from this fact. Growing up I always use to have two meats at Christmas, always a turkey and always a joint of overcooked beef that was drier than a nuns fanny. Since being with my mrs the dinner over the in laws have always been lovely, Big Dave cooks a juicy bird and all the trimming are available. Every year I offer to cook but its something he finds a wonderful sense of pride in so doesn’t need any help cooking. Every year its roughly the same, all the key components are there and only slight variations can change. Every year im asked to make a pork, pistachio and apricot terrine for the evening and boxing day. Maybe these dishes give a sense of occasion and people look forward to but when I offer another alternative its about as useful as Stephen Hawkins running shoes.
People at large are creatures of habit and it has been an evolutionary response that has guided us well for hundreds of thousands of years. But just because something has always been a certain way doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way. We grow as people when we extend the repertoire and go into unchartered waters. I see veteran chefs who are knocking out the same dishes they always have because they know they work, they sell and the punter is happy. Quite a few of the regular punters will order it every time , because they always have and know what they are getting. Then one day out of nowhere it seems dated, the chef is out of touch and feels alienated from what’s happening, whilst the punter realises they have wasted opportunity in life. This doesn’t mean you have to do what everyone else does, or going experimental and start sous viding turkey with cranberry foam and bread sauce micro sponges. All im suggesting is don’t be afraid to try some new elements and dishes, you never know it might elevate that festive meal experience. Maybe look to a new region for the boxing day curry or try a new starter Christmas day. Yes it may fail, risks in life can but it will stop the monotony that will sneak up on you and the pinnacle of the yearly meal is a waste. So have a Yorkshire pudding , buttery mash potato, swap the turkey out if you want, have angel delight for dessert if you want, fuck it have a line of Charlie and a kfc for all I care, just make it special. If that is a traditional Christmas dinner so be it, but don’t just have dishes for the sake of it, have it because its what makes you happy. rant over
happy eating
FOOD ANARCHY 