LOST……?

What am I doing?, Is this the right direction?, am I going forward?, will I ever get there?

Some days I feel I have control, optimism and a sense of direction. Other days I feel lost in the fog and like a child in a grown ups game. This is honesty, pure and unfiltered. I’m tired and feeling beaten and although I could easily “fake” an upbeat blog or Instagram post that was never what this blog was for. It was a cathartic release of emotion but it was to be honest whether it was a high or a low.

Some days the mind is over filled and there is no rest bite for peace to filter the thoughts, its no ones fault, its that life doesn’t stop just because I need to process an overloaded mental inbox. If anything it goes to show when there is peace or some chilled time that is the time to use, rather than scroll through trivial shit on facebook.

The main concern is going in lots of different directions, all with promise but not feeling I am going forward in any particular one. The business itself has many branches as I look to get my fingers in as many pies as possible. As of typing this I am, a businessman, freelance chef who has secured a 30 hours min deal, a private chef, event chef, food van renovator (working towards operator), pop up kitchen, delivery man for the baking section of the business and a blogger. Each one of which I am a pupil who is eager to learn whatever I can whilst winging emails, conversations and pitches to potential clients.

Firstly I am a businessman, as mentioned in previous blogs, I don’t say that for some ego trip to touch myself to, its because that’s who I have to become, its the mindset and identity I need to have. Being a chef is great but being just “a chef” will not build me a business. BEING A BUSINESSMAN WILL!!!. I don’t know if I am impatient, I know I’m my own worst critic but since September I have set up a business, got an accountant, looked after my finances, approached many avenues with letters of interest, registered the house with the environmental health, registered food van, been in talks over possible partnerships, researched my ass off, created social media pages, read multiple books on investment and business, completed food hygiene/ food safety books for food van as well as cake company and commissioned logos and branding, all this whilst working a full time job. This means I’m learning to spot opportunity and the mind is always going in some direction whether emailing multiple councils about lay by pitches or looking into what the London trends are. You could see that list and think that’s a fair bit especially with the rest to follow but, and its probably because its very early days of me doing things by myself, I still don’t feel like its going well. like a fisherman constantly casting but nothing biting. Although this can make you want to let your head drop especially when its another late night and early morning, but I’m not stopping till I drop. There is so much to learn about business and so much to do and I promise you this, whatever the knock down, if I can look up, I will get up.

Ive been fortunate that I have been able to work solid since going freelance, being a freelance chef is a bit of a cliff edge but with minimal hustle I have managed to secure minimum 30 hours a week in a 8-4 gig. Is it setting the world a light with culinary prowess?, probably not. It is however a great brigade of chefs who make me smile and the food is all honest enough and the punters are happy. Cooking for big rugby lads most days means a phenomenal amount of poached eggs and protein but they really are a bunch of gentlemen, high on manners and have not an ounce of pretension. With a massive amount of evenings off and more weekends I have gotten to spend a lot more time with my boys and mrs. This means once the boys are in bed I can look to read, write, and plan how to go forward with the business. The flipside is my free time is normally the time the people I need are off also. It has taken me an extra week to go and see about skylights for the food van due to not being able to schedule a convienent time, this was after a massive amount of emails to van conversion companies and caravan repair companies. These are a minor issues for the pay off that in January, as a freelance chef I have averaged 33/35 hours of work and seen my family a lot . That’s not bad for my first January.

As a freelance chef the rate is good, this means you don’t want to turn down work as you don’t know when its available but as the season picks up it could become a monster. Yes I’ll be earning well but I wont be focusing on the van, also the bakery delivery aspect will start to become more complex. So just do less is the obvious solution but the freelance cheffing gives security to pay the bills, the mortgage so it will have to become a balance. The best advice I have to follow comes from Jim Rohn who states,

“work full time on your job and part time on making your fortune”

Jim Rohn

Then comes the hustle, the grind, the part time business. The food van is the dream, no doubt, always has been but I don’t just see that direction in the grand scheme. If jobs/ events are listed then I will always see it as a possibility as in essence its an extension of the freelance work. So from joining certain sites that allow customers to post what they require for an event, these sites then allow chefs to pitch their ideas, costs and abilities. This has led to future work that includes dinner parties, corporate functions, society evening and buffets. These sites also seem to have a great deal of listings for food vans for events and in particular weddings so the potential of a good following on these sites is massive. The future scope could include a catering company for instance. This all takes me out of my comfort zone of pitching costs and ideas. Ask me casually for a chat about something and I feel no pressure but with the formality of professional pitches it becomes out of the comfort zone, as I second guess, think is this too cheap/ expensive?, can I do this?. These are probably the anxious moments many people suffer starting out and as long as I keep reminding myself that “greatness lives on the other side of fear” and by leaving the comfort zone I will grow as a businessman I keep ploughing through site after site, listing after listing.

Then comes other concepts, I love to chef, so the idea of kitchen take overs and pop up nights is one that seems alive with a really energy. From a business point of view it might make a few quid and become a regular in a couple of cool and trendy venues but more importantly it is a way to build the brand. After speaking to a couple of venues this is looking promising so watch this space and of course something else on my plate to think about and work through my mind as a distraction as the Mrs undoubtedly tells me something important. The idea that is it will get people excited for the food from the van, gives social media presence and gives potential customers a basis of trust means pop ups can be a big winner. All of these ideas, conversations take the business forward but by now I hope you can see they pull me mentally in every direction and this is before being a dad, fiancé with wedding and stag to plan whilst trying to remember to message my family and friends to check in how life is with them and prove I am not dead.

On top of this I keep trying to help the Mrs, she has taken to launching a company that is supplying beautiful cakes, brownies, cupcakes and bespoke cakes to local bars and cafes. To her credit she is bloody brilliant at them, the feedback has been sensational and the business is developing fantastically, one day I’ll live of her success and live out my childhood dream to become a wrestler. I am so proud of her for starting and driving forward with a passion and energy that is paying off. With great success comes more deliveries which becomes another dynamic to factor each week.

By the time I have blinked the week is generally done, tired and aching, I will realise I haven’t got as much done as I’ve wanted and this is especially true of the van. The van always seems to be at the end of the pecking order, this week the Mrs has been ill as has one of the boys and I have felt behind all week, this week the van hasn’t even got a look in. When I’m working on Tallulah (the van) I’m so content, yes its a project but its great, its full of excitement and energy of what can be. With the darker nights subsiding hopefully my time with her becomes longer. Most women probably worry about their man having an affair with someone younger, my Mrs doesn’t need to worry as my mid life crisis’ is the love for a food van. I long to spend my evenings deep and dirty exploring parts of a 18 year old Mercedes sprinter as opposed to some young 18 year old woman. The food van was always the main crux of going my own way and going for my dream but in a wonderful way it has lead to more avenues that all excite me, its just important not to forget about poor Tallulah, she is the dream but like any impact I can create, ripples of energy will happen and as I train my brain to pick up on more opportunities the more options I can create from those ripples.

Its all going to come down to my ability to balance work, the most important thing about my life is my little family. That’s the big job, raising the boys and being a good partner but the fear that I didn’t give it a go, the fear off being too old and saying “well I could of done that but didn’t because of x y z”, that shit scares me. It also drives me. One day I am going to die, and I don’t want it to be without leaving some mark on this blink of an eye existence. So while I am here I plan to give it my best with as much balance as possible. Lets make shit happen while being the best human I can be. Having this energy happening is a blessing and one to be grateful for, the connections I can make, the food I can produce, the happiness that will hopefully bring. All these avenues are good things, positive things but this is where I need to develop and become better and maybe get some direction.

thank you for the rant,

happy eating