Have you ever taken a body blow in the stomach?, The air leaves your lungs all of a sudden, as your brain fires up to clamber for air, a feeling of nausea hits and then a wave of pain hits.
That is what the last 24 hours have felt like, a body blow. As the second round of Covid sweeps the nation it has now come further west and knocked at my door. At the beginning of the week my son was sent home to isolate due to his class having a positive case, the other son could still go, due to government guidelines of not to stay home and act only if you see symptoms in a sibling. The area the government have fucked up and failed people is, SYMPTOMS DO NOT HAPPEN IN ALL CASES. You see, we had followed government guidelines, we had let logic dictate, we had looked at cases statistically, yet here we are with Covid waiting outside the door. As more in his class test positive (we hope everyone is well and safe) we find ourselves awaiting a test. (by the time I finish the blog hopefully tested), this means we have to self isolate until the results are back. That’s is where the difficult decision had to be made.
If we get tested it was unlikely that we would get the results before Sunday, that means we had to decide whether to do the Sunday Roast service. This has been paying our bills during the pandemic, and although it was a business idea we always talked about, it was the lockdown that forced the action. So DO WE TAKE A FINACIAL AND REPUTATION HIT, FOR A MAYBE?, technically we are following government guidelines if we carry on as usual. Non of us are showing symptoms, in accordance with the guidelines we don’t have to do anything than keep calm and carry on. But frankly FUCK THE GOVERNMENT, those fuckwits have fumbled this crisis from day one, have gone back and forth on guidelines and haven’t even stepped up to be questioned. The real question is “WHAT DO OUR VALUES SAY?”.
Our values say we cant potentially risk the safety of our customers. simple. We have to do what is socially right. We wont lie to them, or fabricate some reason to not being able to fulfil their order. I would rather hold my integrity than feel shady about it, in the few days between my son being in possible contact and news of a positive test coming we had visited loved ones and family. If we knew that there was a risk we would of had the choice to act different. Giving people honesty, gives people the information and that choice. Again, we show no symptoms and are all fine but transparency gives people an option.
Pouring myself a large vodka, last night I set about telling the customers we couldn’t deliver this weekend. THAT HURT, THAT MOTHER FUCKER HURT. Every customer responded with kindness and understanding. No one was mad, and although the few who had paid were offered refunds they asked for credits. Mainly it was love and support back from everyone on the socials, and for that I am humbled and grateful, but the over active mind is feeling I have let people down. In some professions that is water of a ducks back but to a chef it hurts. We cook to give people pleasure, that the core reason we cook. Its why compliments to the chef feel better than a pay check. There was a feeling of dread, that the reputation we had been building in those last few months was damaged, panic about the possible lose of income without any ability to work for two weeks. Worst of all it felt like an attack on my family. So far I have only mentioned the business, but the dream of a business is fuck all compared to the possibility that something could damage those you love. If no symptoms are being shown I guess that’s a good sign but its still a scary prospect for a child to have to comprehend. If it upsets my boys, it upsets me. Then there is the Mrs who now has the extra anxiety, decisions about her small business and she has been beautifully empathic about the other families who are in the community even when some are judgemental, but that beauty leads to more pressure on her shoulders. If it upsets her, it upsets me.
Again this is all off a maybe, a possibility, and until tests comeback its all circumstantial, worst case we isolate, dip into our savings and try to be productive. Best case next week we are back for business. This journey so far has been full of unexpected obstacles, challenges and things I wouldn’t have ever imagined. The feeling of an attack on my family and dream being the latest. Quite frankly 2020 is starting to fuck me off now. At those times its important to remind ourselves that some people have had it much worse, and how lucky we are.
But I would walk to the gates of hell for those I love and my dreams of my own food business, so this latest body blow is just that. A blow. As I said before “you can’t beat a man who doesn’t quit”, so WE WILL GET UP, always have, always will. Those are the values we hold strong.
stay safe.
happy eating
FOOD ANARCHY 