The positive side of mistakes

“I made a mistake”, four words, four little words that have the power to be self destructive or self motivating.

The pain and embarrassment will still be the same but the outlook and direction of recovery will vary completely on which path is chosen. This week hasn’t gone my way financially. From car repairs, to broken phones and finally Mr (or mrs, we are all equal here) tax man it’s been a rough week.

Now my tale is not one of sorrow, I am aware sometimes I set up these blogs that doesn’t convey it’s “all good in the hood”. Yes, a few trivial things have happened in my journey but through the self therapy of the blog and reflection, I like to think this shows a positive direction that maybe resonates with those few that read this blog, fuck it, maybe it actually helps a few people. The blog has always been honest, for better or worse. That bullshit world of perfection social media portrays, showing pictures of couples who are not long from splitting up, but in posts they are all smiley and looking like a perfect pair. Or maybe it’s the person who has the perfect house, everything in place and pristine, or the person with the perfect body and style, who looks infallible but in reality is sucking in their stomach or cheeks for the photo and still farts in bed. These portray a pictures of perfection and make us believe, anything less is failure. All that does is exasperate a fear of failure.

I ain’t perfect, in fact far from it. I fuck up just like everyone else. That’s life. A lot of the fear of failure comes from parents and environmental factors growing up. From being laughed at from peer groups in school, or your parents teaching you standards that were close minded, maybe it’s beliefs from religion or the area you grew up in. We all have different perceptions of failure and that affects our courage to seek it out. Seeking out failure seems a strange awkward concept but if you learn it is key to development. Schools condition us that a failure is a bad thing, something to kick ourselves for. The real beauty of it is never explained. Think at how that difference in outlook could change a child’s mind.

So back to this week, my mistake was missing a simple factor of calculating what tax and accountancy fees I would be paying this year. Something so simple I should have picked up on it but instead I was cocky and thought I knew best (ego). It was a glaringly obvious issue, “I got my years mixed up!”. Now bare in mind I have only been a business for just over a year so it should have been fucking obvious but that would be the ego and not thinking. I should have been looking at the time when half a year was employed for a good company that paid decent and the remaining half was chef services (with little outgoing expenses). Instead I was thinking of the food business we set up from lockdown. School boy error.

When it came to accountancy fees, nativity on my part added costs. If I was unsure of something I rang for advice and due to filing something incorrect when setting up the company, HMRC had sent me statements I didn’t understand so that led to more phone calls and the cycle continued. It should be said I really like my accountant, I have paid for her services accordingly but by not setting up properly and not understanding certain elements of starting a business it has increased the yearly bill. I am not afraid to say that with hindsight, in many aspects of it I was out of my depth. If I hadn’t been so naive then I would have structured emails and phone calls so I got the most out of each conversation. By planning to be more structured from here on, then a more efficient pattern will result in less calls.

From the morning meditation, to the growth mindset, to the gym, motivational videos and reading for the past 2? Years I have changed. The subconscious has developed, I am a different person and this week showed me that. Sometimes it feels as if results plateau and nothing is changing, that is essentially because your parameters for testing don’t exist. If even a year ago I had gone through this financial slap in the face, I would have constantly worried, let it takeover my mind, panicked, and procrastinated by doing things I thought were progressive but was delaying the inevitable. Instead I acted and feel quite proud of myself. That is the difference, one way I would feel shit, but with the same events I am feeling proud.

The car wasn’t feeling right to drive. Now the old me would ignore it, scared it would cost a lot so essentially avoid the problem. We had at the weekend had to turn back from a day out due to the car not driving normally. The old mind would say you can’t afford any issues so just ignore it. But this time my mind said fuck the ego and being scared, if you wait to see a doctor a problem can get worse so I dropped in on a garage fairly spontaneously , who luckily had availability and the problem was diagnosed in 10 mins. He also said “you shouldn’t drive this, with the problem”. So instead of the old me who would take it away and contemplate the cost, I said “when can you fix it?” . The Universe was on my side, he could do it by close and after a couple of taxi rides home and back the car was done. The advantage of having a business account is that expense came off the business profits and I also could have the rearranged family day the day after. Win.

The old mindset would have prolonged that experience, but for what?, the problem could have got worse meaning an £800 job and if we had missed another day out I would feel upset for the boys and shame that I’d let them down or worse imagine if we had an accident for the sake of me not wanting to spend £250. That is how to make that job seem a bargain. Then my phone broke, it kept turning off every 2 minutes meaning work became very stop start to communicate with customers via orders or invoicing. The route planner would be none accessible for deliveries and social media posts were going to be a struggle. Old me would look at used phones, try to get a bargain and then go again, I think last time it happened I ended up buying 2 phones as one was rubbish and it took two weeks of messing about and procrastinating before I was back up. This was when I didn’t have a business to worry about. This time the mindset was different, broken on Thursday evening whilst invoicing, in the phone shop Friday morning on a new contract via the business with the mindset I’ll just have to make that £30 extra each month. By acting and having faith in yourself you can eliminate stress and worry. It’s the hesitation that is painful and self deprecating so don’t allow yourself to procrastinate. I still do it, again NO ONE IS PERFECT. But remember procrastinating is a habit. Habits can be changed, new ones learnt. If your unemployed and get in the habit to get up late and watch Loose Women, you have learnt that habit. You can also learn to push yourself to do the little things you don’t want to do, BY PUSHING YOURSELF TO DO THEM. Your brain doesn’t judge if the habit is good or bad it just learns to repeat behaviour.

Then the postman delivered a test, a slap in the face. The accounts and tax Bill. Now at first I just looked at it, not taking it in. Like a wall of shame, stupidity and ignorance hitting me in the face. I muttered the words “I’ve been so stupid” and the mrs stepped in to help me focus clearly. Once the oxygen started firing my brain after some deep breaths it made sense. I made a mistake. Old me would panic, ring people, and frankly dispute it. New me understands it is what I owe, where it came from and that by having the habit of saving each month, that we had it in savings and can pay it. It became a measure of Outlook. The savings I thought were ours, but they never were, once I calmed the ego from thinking “they are taking our money” I was ok. We now know we are set up, registered correctly and a clean slate in regards to tax. Those early mornings of self development have paid off, the subconscious saving and investing (learnt from self development) covered this shock but lessons have been learnt.

My mrs is good, that is a very unstated quote but she gets me, like no one else. She made me see that we hadn’t lost. 2020 has been crazy and we are coming out of it with so much good. Ok, financially we are even (when I thought slightly up) but so many people have been hit and can’t come back. The restaurants, pubs, clubs, theatres and other businesses. Yet we came out the other side having learnt so much and built a base. Reflection and gratitude are so important I urge you to take two minutes a morning to just think of what is good. If you say nothing then your not looking deep enough. It will help change your outlook.

By admitting mistakes and pushing yourself to fail, real growth can take place. It isn’t a comfortable place and that makes us stop and procrastinate. Evolution has kept humans alive by being scared of the big animals and staying put is safe but those parts of our brain are outdated in the modern world. Try to fail, learn, grow and repeat for that is the path to greatness and also the path of evolution. And please don’t lead an “insta” life , lead your life with beautiful imperfection.

I’ll finish with a question for you to ponder. “Who will develop more ? the person who never fails or the one who fails and learns.”

Happy eating