In writing this I don’t mean to upset anyone, judge how you choose to spend your time, question your ambition or frankly make you think I care how “you do you”. As long as you try to do the right thing on occasion without being a dick, then you are alright in my book.
Now that disclaimer is out the way, we can start to unravel this frustration that has clouded my mind. “Do I have the right work/ life balance”?.
The answer is NO, end of blog.
For those who want to follow in more detail why, I shall explain, having a loving family and a desire to not live on the streets means the thought of chasing the remedy of money as the solution. The pursuit of a business is partly a selfish act on my part, it’s one I pursue so when the day comes that I’m having reflections of life from my death bed, that I can say “at least I gave it a go”, “I lived on my terms”. This means you feel an obligation for it to not hinder or be disruptive to those you love the most.
Most people die at 25, but aren’t buried until 75.
Benjamin Franklin
I have also grown very partial to the mrs and the kids and believe it’s my job to keep a roof over their heads and feed them on occasion.
Throughout the uk there is a scarcity of chefs, this means I am extremely fortunate to be asked to work as a freelance chef on a fairly regular basis, the money is decent and it’s a chance to switch off from intensely thinking about the business, as I follow another chefs lead and ease paint by numbers . But the issue is, that I DO have a business, one I would love to grow and to get out to as many people as possible, helping to raise the city’s street food game. As we speak the business self sustains and we can live and pay bills but it needs to grow it’s customer base for it to reach the potential I envision in my mind.
This is meaning some long weeks in work, it’s still better than the days at the wedding venue where not seeing my children awake for 2 or 3 days straight was far too regular an occurrence . Now I’ll always get the mornings or school pick up but it’s been a routine of freelance work by day, pop up or venue by night, with a market or two on the weekend. And the added bonus of more restricted time to prepare the business prep/shopping as that time is spent working. Not to mention keeping up with the paperwork and pitching for business.
You may ask why I take the extra work? Fair question, it’s because I know the work and customers could dry up, January and February are quieter months, Christmas is next month, the rain can call off events, Id like to have a reserve and not dip into the savings this year, having learnt from last season the van can cause a quick withdrawal from the account if something is to happen. It’s better to “be prepared and not need it” is the new approach. That’s why I probably say yes far too easily, fear of circumstance. (Since writing this blog the van failed it’s MOT and is going to cost.)
“Did you watch X last night?”, “I binge watched Y last night”, have you been here?, “I wasted hours on TikTok”, I went for a 40 mile bike ride!. These are conversations lovely people say to me, they make the effort to have a social interaction with me and all I think is “Fucking WHEN do I have time?. If I’m not working, I’m spending as much time with the kids, taking the kids to clubs/parties, reading or listening to podcasts or trying to understand investments, thank fuck the mrs doesn’t have high expectations of me to be romantic (I occasionally annoy her by groping her at inappropriate times to show my affection). Since freelance cheffing on top of the general workload, the habit of the gym has disappeared, I am struggling to find the time or routine. So when I don’t know what celebrity has done something newsworthy or who ate a kangaroo cock on TV, then you’ll have to excuse my ignorance. It’s not you, it’s me.
The other aspect to understand is the guilt. whenever time does free up it’s a choice of how to spend that time, spend it with the kids who you owe time to, spend it unwinding trying to zen your mind and rest your body, try to get something done on the house, get to the gym, spend time with the mrs watching bake off, these are all the decisions that run through your mind. But whichever you choose you normally feel a sense of guilt about not spending time doing the others and normally with an underlying feeling of cheating on the business, thinking “what could I be doing to make the business more successful?”.
I found myself jealous of a guy I know of who is having an affair recently, it was nothing to do with the act, which frankly I find disgusting and disrespectful but I was jealous of his time management. This is someone who can make time for two women (both batshit crazy) and hold down two jobs and he also has kids. How do people find time for these things? Quite frankly I am far too lazy to deal with that headfuck, remembering stories and timetables. I struggle to remember last week!. I don’t know if it’s just me but I would take a week decorating my house and some downtime over a dirty week with a 20 something blonde any day. I know which one would bring me more peace.
The question I’m getting at as I incoherently rant through this blog is “is this just me, a small business owner or is this most people?”
Does everyone have struggles with time management?, do they feel they worry they will miss out on certain aspects of their life? Do they plan?, do they worry about money and development? I am struggling to figure what the secret is, maybe I’m missing something, maybe I just want it all. Maybe I just need to find more hours in the day.
When I don’t work much, I worry about the money and feel lazy, like I’m not reaching my potential
When I work too much I worry about the time with loved ones and missing life’s bigger questions.
So how does one attain the perfect balance? Feel free to let me know.
Happy eating.
FOOD ANARCHY 